Sunday, July 15, 2012

Venting/ranting after a year of not posting

So, it's been awhile since I last posted...a little over a year. But, I figured that I should start blogging again (if I can keep up with it)! A lot has happened, but I will get to that later.

So, one of my friends that I went to high school with that I've known for about 8 years had a birthday get-together last night for her 22nd, since that's what really, any of my friends do after they turn 21 and over. Anyways, I carpooled with another friend from high school, and she and I headed over to Scottsdale, to this bar called the Spanish Fly. It was pretty cool, and I had only been to Scottsdale club/bar scene once, and that was when some of my friends hadn't turned 21 yet, so we had to go to the 18+ place. Anyways, we hung there for a bit, then Axis Radius, which I had heard of, but never been to. And man, oh man, I stuck out like a sore thumb. It is because, compared to everyone else in Scottsdale, I probably was one of the few girls who's dress covered her butt and wasn't hobbling around on three-inch heels (which, thanks to my height anyways, I don't need; plus, my feet hate heels).

If you haven't been clubbing/barhopping, especially in Scottsdale or Mill Avenue, you don't totally know what it's like (unless you can just assume). When I go to Mill Ave, I at least stick out a little bit less. I don't own any clubbing dresses or outfits. That's just not me. I bought ONE skirt that's a skirt you'd wear clubbing, but still, the only one. Most of my dresses/skirts are almost to my knees, and flowery and summery or just pretty that I love from Target or Forever21. (Plus, I have to buy a little longer dresses/skirts, since I'm a bit tall.) What I wore last night, was a dress from Forever21; it has a black tanktop top, a gold belt about the waist, and a colorful, flowery skirt bottom. I also wore white sandals, and as per usual, a flower in my hair. You look at my friends...they're wearing tiny dresses that barely cover their butts, and of course, I'm used to that; I've been to the bars multiple times with them. But last night, it made me realize things even more.

Since I've gotten home this summer, I have really come to realize who I'd want to hang out with when I get home for breaks and such whenever I come back to Phoenix. This past year has been the most eventful, exhilarating, exciting, awesome year of my 22 1/2 years. Seriously. When I joined Quidditch in the spring of 2011, we had about 9 people on the team, and were not well known, and well, sucked. But this past fall, everything changed. We ballooned to about 30ish people, and through tournaments around the states and WestBook (which us West coast people call the Western Region group on FB), I had come to realize; Oh my GOD, these are my people. I finally feel like I BELONG. No more pretending who I really am not. I will explain.

Ever since high school, I feel like I didn't really belong somewhere. Yes, I had this group of girlfriends that I had met from 8th grade when I moved from Florida to Chandler, but when I REALLY look back on it all, I had nothing in common with these girls. Some of them partied when we were in high school, and yeah, I guess I had things in common with them. But, I feel like I was just trying to fit this mold. I was the nerdy, quiet girl, and I feel like I definitely broke out of that shell come MCC and NAU (more so the latter). Earlier in college, and later in high school, I hung out with a lot of Mormons (plus, having a LDS boyfriend helped with that). I don't regret it. They're still important to me, of course, and some of them I know for sure I'll have as friends forever. I felt like I sort of belonged. But still, it wasn't like Wow, they're my family.

After going to NAU, experiencing LIFE away from overtly conservative, traditional parents (but whom I still love and adore)...having a roommate who walks around in her underwear all the time and just roommates instead of under my roof in Chandler, and then meeting other people from classes or Quidditch...totally changed me. I finally found people I could be myself around. Okay, that's sort of a lie. I DEFINITELY have friends I have here in Chandler that I can be COMPLETELY myself around. Definitely. They're 98% younger than me by a year or two (or maybe even more), and I am SO thankful for, because otherwise, I would be going crazy this summer. But, this past year, I have learned so much. For instance; I don't need a guy to be happy. I need to stop chasing after every guy that comes my way. I have some amazing friends (here in Chandler, back in Flag, and even across the country from Quidditch) who care about me immensely, and love me for being a nerd. Seriously; my favorite moments so far of my LIFE are Quidditch related. There was a dance in early February when we went to Utah for the annual Snow Cup (NAU's second time going; and our first ever tournament when we started), called the Snow Ball, and I had more fun there than at my prom.

I have definitely come to realize who I care about, who I want in my life. Who will BE in my life when I eventually get the hell out of Phoenix. I literally hate it here (other than of course, my friends and family). Who I am a bit more, and who I want to be. I am a nerdy hippie, and am a goofy girl when thrown in a room with Quidditch kids, certain friends, and roommates. And I am so freaking thankful for it all.

Last night, it made me realize things even more. The friends that I went out with last night are those friends that yeah, maybe I'll talk to them once in awhile on FB or something. But I know who my real friends are. Who I'm going to keep forever. And I am forever grateful for that.