Sunday, July 15, 2012

Venting/ranting after a year of not posting

So, it's been awhile since I last posted...a little over a year. But, I figured that I should start blogging again (if I can keep up with it)! A lot has happened, but I will get to that later.

So, one of my friends that I went to high school with that I've known for about 8 years had a birthday get-together last night for her 22nd, since that's what really, any of my friends do after they turn 21 and over. Anyways, I carpooled with another friend from high school, and she and I headed over to Scottsdale, to this bar called the Spanish Fly. It was pretty cool, and I had only been to Scottsdale club/bar scene once, and that was when some of my friends hadn't turned 21 yet, so we had to go to the 18+ place. Anyways, we hung there for a bit, then Axis Radius, which I had heard of, but never been to. And man, oh man, I stuck out like a sore thumb. It is because, compared to everyone else in Scottsdale, I probably was one of the few girls who's dress covered her butt and wasn't hobbling around on three-inch heels (which, thanks to my height anyways, I don't need; plus, my feet hate heels).

If you haven't been clubbing/barhopping, especially in Scottsdale or Mill Avenue, you don't totally know what it's like (unless you can just assume). When I go to Mill Ave, I at least stick out a little bit less. I don't own any clubbing dresses or outfits. That's just not me. I bought ONE skirt that's a skirt you'd wear clubbing, but still, the only one. Most of my dresses/skirts are almost to my knees, and flowery and summery or just pretty that I love from Target or Forever21. (Plus, I have to buy a little longer dresses/skirts, since I'm a bit tall.) What I wore last night, was a dress from Forever21; it has a black tanktop top, a gold belt about the waist, and a colorful, flowery skirt bottom. I also wore white sandals, and as per usual, a flower in my hair. You look at my friends...they're wearing tiny dresses that barely cover their butts, and of course, I'm used to that; I've been to the bars multiple times with them. But last night, it made me realize things even more.

Since I've gotten home this summer, I have really come to realize who I'd want to hang out with when I get home for breaks and such whenever I come back to Phoenix. This past year has been the most eventful, exhilarating, exciting, awesome year of my 22 1/2 years. Seriously. When I joined Quidditch in the spring of 2011, we had about 9 people on the team, and were not well known, and well, sucked. But this past fall, everything changed. We ballooned to about 30ish people, and through tournaments around the states and WestBook (which us West coast people call the Western Region group on FB), I had come to realize; Oh my GOD, these are my people. I finally feel like I BELONG. No more pretending who I really am not. I will explain.

Ever since high school, I feel like I didn't really belong somewhere. Yes, I had this group of girlfriends that I had met from 8th grade when I moved from Florida to Chandler, but when I REALLY look back on it all, I had nothing in common with these girls. Some of them partied when we were in high school, and yeah, I guess I had things in common with them. But, I feel like I was just trying to fit this mold. I was the nerdy, quiet girl, and I feel like I definitely broke out of that shell come MCC and NAU (more so the latter). Earlier in college, and later in high school, I hung out with a lot of Mormons (plus, having a LDS boyfriend helped with that). I don't regret it. They're still important to me, of course, and some of them I know for sure I'll have as friends forever. I felt like I sort of belonged. But still, it wasn't like Wow, they're my family.

After going to NAU, experiencing LIFE away from overtly conservative, traditional parents (but whom I still love and adore)...having a roommate who walks around in her underwear all the time and just roommates instead of under my roof in Chandler, and then meeting other people from classes or Quidditch...totally changed me. I finally found people I could be myself around. Okay, that's sort of a lie. I DEFINITELY have friends I have here in Chandler that I can be COMPLETELY myself around. Definitely. They're 98% younger than me by a year or two (or maybe even more), and I am SO thankful for, because otherwise, I would be going crazy this summer. But, this past year, I have learned so much. For instance; I don't need a guy to be happy. I need to stop chasing after every guy that comes my way. I have some amazing friends (here in Chandler, back in Flag, and even across the country from Quidditch) who care about me immensely, and love me for being a nerd. Seriously; my favorite moments so far of my LIFE are Quidditch related. There was a dance in early February when we went to Utah for the annual Snow Cup (NAU's second time going; and our first ever tournament when we started), called the Snow Ball, and I had more fun there than at my prom.

I have definitely come to realize who I care about, who I want in my life. Who will BE in my life when I eventually get the hell out of Phoenix. I literally hate it here (other than of course, my friends and family). Who I am a bit more, and who I want to be. I am a nerdy hippie, and am a goofy girl when thrown in a room with Quidditch kids, certain friends, and roommates. And I am so freaking thankful for it all.

Last night, it made me realize things even more. The friends that I went out with last night are those friends that yeah, maybe I'll talk to them once in awhile on FB or something. But I know who my real friends are. Who I'm going to keep forever. And I am forever grateful for that.

Monday, August 1, 2011


So, sorry it's taken me so long to write a new blog post. This summer, I honestly haven't been up to much.

I got a job babysitting the most adorable 2 1/2-year-old twins for a month early in the summer, but sadly, it was only for a month. It was really nice to have money, but the dad's job was ending after that month and he was going to be watching the girls.

Otherwise, all I've been doing is hanging with friends, hitting the bars every once in awhile, and sitting in my room being terribly bored. I'm really enjoying being 21 and dancing and such. :) It's been a lot of fun.

I've been sort of angry and bored that I don't have a job though. This is the first summer since probably my freshman or sophomore year in high school I haven't had a summer job. I babysat for a few summers when I was in high school, and when I was in college, I worked at Drs. Goodman & Partridge. But...I just hate being home doing nothing with my days. I get bored really easily when I'm not doing anything, and especially not having the money stinks.

I went up to Flag for a total of almost two weeks during the summer to find a job during the school year, but it's not looking the best. I'm really hoping for something when I head up there in 2 weeks.

I've been a bit down in the dumps about something recently, but I'm really trying to push past it. As dumb as it sounds, the show "How I Met Your Mother" has brought my spirits up a bit. You know why? Because it teaches life lessons, sort of like "Grey's Anatomy" at the beginning and end. Funnily enough, sometimes "HIMYM" is relevant to my life (just like "GA" has been a couple of times), and I just keep trying to stay positive and everything will work out in the end. I'm not sure how some things will exactly pan out when school (and Quidditch) starts in a few weeks, but I'm hoping I'll be strong enough to prove that I'm okay and I'm better off.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Never Boring...

Well, let's say that my life is never not interesting. If you know the inner-workings of everything that has gone on in my life in the past few years, then you'd definitely know that is a true statement. This past week was definitely one, especially today. I feel like I could just fall asleep right now because I am so mentally and physically exhausted from talking to one of my friends about past relationship stuff. And then, a message that I was not expecting and me laughing because of everything that has happened. I am COMPLETELY delirious right now, and man oh man, you thought I could write a book before? Psh, I could write a book NOW about everything that's gone on. My life always seems to be entertaining to the friends I tell everything to, the whole darn world can know what's going on...

This is just a brief update/blurb, probably due to the lack of sleep, hysterical laughing, killing a scorpion and cockroach within a couple minutes of each other, etc. etc.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Can't wait for all of this to be over...

I haven't posted a blog in awhile...but it's really because I've just had a horrible semester or a horrible few months.
From things that have happened with a certain someone and him seeing someone shortly after we broke up (who, actually, is on the Quidditch team WITH us, and she is one of my friends...not sure if it's the right thing to tell her about him and I...). From me knowing I screwed myself over this semester because when we WERE dating, I spent all my time with him and let my schoolwork pile up and get the better of me. From crying, wanting to hide under a rock, and never wanting to come out. I've never used so many tissues and wanted to just get away from the world before than these past few months. Honestly, the only sunny side of this semester was that I found something I have a passion for, and that is Quidditch. I've wanted to go home so many times in the past couple months and just be around people who I could cry with and everything, but I can't. And I hate that one of my best friends is on her mission and I can't go over her house or call her up to cry to her. I don't even know how to explain all the crap I've been through and how it makes me feel. On top of that, he doesn't seem to care at all, which is perfect.
Plus, I think a couple guys like me, and I thought I had a crush on both of them, but when I was home last night, I thought about it. I'm not ready for anything for awhile. Seriously. I was just sitting at my desk after I went out with my roommates last night, catching up on "Grey's Anatomy", and I just randomly started crying. I just am so messed up with everything that's gone on and can't deal with this for awhile.
Honestly, and I'm going to sound completely dumb saying this, but I feel like there's only one person I've really truly liked and haven't stopped feeling this for...but I'm not even sure how he feels anymore. He isn't talking to me at the moment because he wrote me off (I'm kinda thinking because I was still a distraction, even if I was writing normally, but I can't say for sure), but I've been thinking of him recently and of what he would say to me. I know I've had so many ups and downs with him, but he's the first person that comes to mind when I'm doing something.
For instance, after I found out about a certain someone and another girl after we broke up, I was sitting on the shuttle, listening to my iPod, on my way home for Easter weekend. I felt like it was the first time I could REALLY think and hear myself. Well, I just imagined him telling me to forget about him and do my own thing, plus, I realized it wasn't worth it. For some reason, I just felt like I always wanted to be a better person because of him, and always tried to do things the right way because of him, as corny/dumb as that sounds. I'm not sure if it's because he's my first love, or maybe I really do love him. I'm not sure. I just know that even though I went through a bunch of crap with a certain someone recently, I feel like I was more hurt and angry rather than sad and feeling like part of me was being taken away like someone else. I miss talking to him a lot, and I was going to send him a letter, but my roommate actually took it away from me and told me not to write him because if I tried now, it might be too soon and I could ruin something further in the future.'s just been a horrible few weeks/couple months, and I am so glad it's almost over. This is rambling, but I needed to do this. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow

Well, Chase and I broke up a couple days ago. It was honestly an up and down week because I'd be happy one moment, thinking things were good, but then the next, I'd be down in the dumps. Thursday and Friday were the first days in a little bit when things were normal, and he explained something that I knew about before we had started dating, but it's still true and it makes sense. It hurts a bit, yeah, but I'll live. I know things happen for a reason, and Chase is still a friend and we're still going to hang out and such. Nothing's awkward between us, which is good, because I didn't want to have deja vu like I did with Jacob. I'm actually not nearly as broken up about it as I thought I'd be, but I think I knew, deep down, that I've only known him for a month and a half, and I don't know the real him. I know some of him, and some about him, and maybe we rushed into things. But still, it was good while it lasted, and I don't regret it.

But, even though it didn't (and don't think it will because of a reason or two) work out between us, I learned from it. We go through trials to make us stronger, and I know that definitely has inspired me to be stronger about things that come up in my life when I was dealing with the whole Jacob fiasco for the longest time. I feel like a stronger person now, and that I don't have to have a boyfriend to be happy. I know that whenever I am to have a boyfriend and end up happily ever after with him, it'll happen. I know it will. I want to do my own thing, focus on school, have fun with my friends, and live life. Being with Chase for a little less than a month made me realize that there are bigger and better things around the corner for me, and Jacob wasn't 'the one' that I was so focused on when I was younger and more naive about things. I always try to see the positive out of a harder situation, and even though I know I haven't been through nearly as much crap as other people, I've been through rough patches, and I keep thinking that God is control, He knows what's best, and the sun will come out tomorrow.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011


So, I haven't quite updated in a little bit, but there hasn't been *TOO* much going on...

Other than the fact that I have a boyfriend, as of Saturday. :)

His name is Chase. We met on the quidditch team a few weeks ago. Basically from the beginning, we hit it off, and since we started talking, we haven't been able to stop, literally. We talk for hours on end every day, we get along so well, smart-alecy to each other 24/7, etc. We honestly just started out as friends, and sure I thought he was cute, but didn't think anything would really come from it. As it so happens, he felt the same way. We got to know each other pretty well (of course there's still things I don't know about him), but he's so sweet and funny and pretty awesome. :)

Friday, February 11, 2011

Not much going on + Quidditch

Well, there hasn't been too many exciting things happen in my life since I last wrote an entry. I have some tests coming up (psychology and biology), some homework which is actually kinda nice, finished a book called "House Rules" by Jodi Picoult (who is one of my all-time favorite authors; probably have read 8 or so of her novels), onto a new book called "Love the One You're With", and yeah.
I went to my first Quidditch practice on Wednesday, and it was fun, but let's say, I was not prepared. I was wearing not too many warm things because I wore everything warm on Tuesday and didn't need it, but man I needed it Wednesday. We were playing in 20ish degrees with a semi-strong wind chill that kept making our goal posts knock over. Well, I didn't have gloves (which is a lesson learned now), and it was so bitterly cold. Somehow, I got a cut on my finger and it started bleeding. That wasn't too big of a deal, but the sneakers I was wearing were rubbing up against the back of my heel and I had a pretty big cut. Thankfully, a guy on my team was awesome enough to have athletic tape, so I wrapped it up. But it was fun! I was a chaser, and I made a goal, and was actually surprised because I could NOT feel my fingers and couldn't quite grasp the ball.
If you want a quick laydown of how to play 'muggle Quidditch', there's the same positions; beaters, chasers, seeker, and keeper. Well, the beaters act like they're in dodgeball, and try to hit the opposite team members with a sort of deflated kickball, and if they hit you, you have to go to your goal post, touch it, and then get back to the game. I was a chaser, so I passed a sort of deflated volleyball (or something like it) to the other chasers on my team to make a goal on the opposing side. The keeper, of course, defends the home goal, but can get into the game as well. The seeker is just like Harry, and has to get the snitch but funnily enough, the snitch is usually a cross-country runner, so it's funny to watch one person chasing another person, but our snitch was just a guy from our team.
So yeah...I had my normal Friday of going to class, going to the computer lab to do some homework, work, and then hung out with Allison, Vicki, and Janice, which was fun. We saw "Just Go With It" with Jennifer Aniston and Adam Sandler, and wow, it had to have been one of the funniest movies I've ever seen, I'd say! I could not stop laughing. Now, all my roommates are out, and I'm tired, and I haven't felt very well all day.